there are so many things I want to write about

but it feels like my mind is blown in half

and

that’s what I get

for trying to have a social life.

I went to a 2 million dollar home last night

and the young man

had a beautiful wife

an airplane

a BMW

and a motorcycle

He’s only 27.

“I don’t get jealous of most people,” he said.

I was feeling self-conscious and nauseous

I met a couple clean-cut young men

and we talked about church.

Then we played a St. Patrick’s Day trivia game

that I didn’t understand.

I was beginning to feel inept

I was breaking-out in cold sweats

“He’s a poet!” I heard my friend shout.

Suddenly, 20 eyes were watching me.

I don’t know how I got out of that one

I reached for some green peas

(all the food was green—that might be why I was sick)

Then, Karaoke broke out.

I stood there, watching the madness

when our host came over.

“You don’t like Karaoke, do you?” He asked me.

I smiled.

“Can I make you some tea?”

He led me into the living room and we began talking about my fear of marriage.

“You just have to find the right one,” he said wisely.

We got onto the subject of God, and my friend walked in.

“We got to go,” he said.

On the way home, I told him that I wasn’t feeling well.

“You’ll get over this rough patch,” he said. “It’s important that you socialize and get a better job—otherwise,

you could end up like that guy at church who strangled his wife to death and cracked her head with a hammer. He had low self-esteem.”

I thought about what my friend said…

Spending time alone was dangerous, and socializing made me sick.

There was no way to win.