I know I’m not supposed to compare myself to others

but we all do it

with the exception of

the dahlia lama or Jesus Christ.

I’m guilty of that

Our comparisons say a lot about who we are

and who we would like to be.

My mathematician friend

and new Indian friend

have tech jobs

and they talk about climbing the money ladder.

They are particularly angry

that they have to go into work 3 days a week

but they know it could be worse, far worse

“What if we worked for Meta?” They said.

“Big brother is watching you. You can’t watch YouTube when you’re logged in.”

I feel for them.

Basically, I have decided to be free

with, or without money

There is no dollar amount

no woman’s love

worth that.

I wash my face in the mirror

and admire my scraggly beard—there are white hairs

I love to look old

and deranged—

it’s a look I have cultivated

like Dorian Gray

I worry about my personal depravity

when I am around the Amish (I visited them, recently).

People fit into categories

and

I wish to be outside of that

I get called, “an outsider.”

Ha Ha.

But there is a way—

and after you have done it

it feels so good,

and it keeps getting better

That is my way—

Not for money or fame (not for me, at least)

just my own magic

and nothing else.