the Mormon girls keep contacting me on Facebook

Perhaps, they want to save my soul

they’re 18

and they have never slept with a man

I fell in love with one of them, once

years ago, but I wouldn’t join her church

because

the thought of being married to her for eternity

scared me

and

I told her so

“You need to get married,” she said

and

I respected that, coming from her

because I loved her

Now, I’ve gone bad

like rotten grapes

and

I’ve matured

into a fine wine

that anybody can get drunk on

because I taste so good

I tell this to women

and they laugh

and that’s

what she liked about me

“Andy, you make me laugh,” she said.

Well, when I wouldn’t join her church

she went back to Utah

and found a man

and was married in three months.

She was the only woman I enjoyed kissing.

Now, the Mormon girls contact me on Facebook

and I say,

“Do I know you from church?”

They want to get married, right away, and they say, “No, but we could get to know each other better.”

And I say, “I’m looking for a third wife. Perhaps, you’d like to come over to my apartment and show me the missionary position?”

And for some reason, they never contact me again.