I got the job. It was still August.

One evening, before my summer training, I played golf with my buddy.

He wasn’t doing anything with his life.

It was twilight, and we were on our old high school golf course. It closed, shortly after that.

I began to play really well.

I felt the red sun, lighting me up. It was magic.

On Monday, I went to work.

Until then, I thought I was just changing jobs.

A group of fat female kindergarten teachers ran out of the building and gave me a hug.

It was like becoming a child again.

When I worked with all men, there was no mercy.

This place was as soft as a baby’s butt.

All I had to do was show up, eat their free food, and nod.

The training was on the oppression of women, and how men subtly subjugated them without meaning to.

All the male administrators stood up and shared their personal stories of mansplaining. They felt bad.

On my first day, our children lined-up.

Two hours later, I was pinning them to the wall, and they were coming at me with a pair of scissors.

I learned, that the interview committee wasn’t interested in me because of my psychology degree.

I was hired muscle.

Parents suspected that I was either a pervert or a nice guy.

I tried to cultivate a Mr. Rogers look.

A couple 6th grade girls fell in love with me.

That was the curse of being young and good looking, I guess.

I had to turn-over their love letters, as evidence. There was a formal investigation, and I was vindicated, but whenever they saw me in the cafeteria, they looked at me with sad eyes.


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