Stepping into the sublime

can’t be done

by stepping outside of society

You might want to, but that only gives you

outcast status—

a badge I would proudly wear,

if I wasn’t constantly disrespected

by crowds.

We are tormented by what we want

and can’t get

I am unaware of this, until I am reminded

by an insecure ego.

People want to compete with me

and I don’t want to—

their arrogance is like a sliver in my eye

that festers

into boiling rage.

These emotions are foreign to me

until they are stirred up

like a stinky cologne

I can’t wash off.

I am content to be by myself—

but then I think about what I need from society.

If I quit

I fall further behind.

The desire to quit, is lovely, so peaceful

but then I get asked, “What are you making from this life?” By some stupid old man

or spiteful sister.

It bothers me, that other people look at me

and feel better about themselves.

I think about settling down with a woman

who understands me

but finding her, is like searching for a needle

in a pile of slivers.

She, and everybody else

will cause me suffering.

Maybe, the best thing a man can do

is allow himself to get left behind

like Ferdinand the Bull

who smells the flowers

while the others

get murdered in the arena.

Ultimately, we are all dead men

We enter

this life

naked

and we leave

the same way.

We clothe ourselves in vanity.

I enjoy being behind the times, out of style.

I listen to an old radio

at night

that keeps me company.

I watch leaves falling

like different colored emotions

red

and yellow.

Nature doesn’t lie

and that’s why

it feels so good

to bask in her truth.

The proudest people put on a play of humility

and the most selfish

show-off their generosity.

Each person I know

is full of conviction

and that’s why

I don’t believe them.

I would like to walk away from this, but I don’t know how.

I am constantly pulled back

into the black hole.

My light goes out.

I want to be a star

bigger than the sun

that basks in its own warmth

Is this narcissism?

Perhaps.

The sun has been worshiped as a God

for thousands of years…

Maybe, I’ll need to be so far away from society

that I’m only a distant speck in the sky.