She was an administrator

big of body.

Many of our female administrators are that way

It comes from stress and testosterone

and the subconscious desire to bulk up, to fight-off unruly children

much like a heavy-weight fighter, who enters the ring

to fight-off a 220-pound gorilla.

During the evenings, she took an art class

and discovered the hidden artist within her.

He was the husband she never had


and drooling on himself, contemplating the blank page.

She kept him on a leash

and fed him all of the Big Macs she ate between meetings.

that leash was like a long umbilical cord

Periodically, he would bark

and try to get away

and she would get inspired

to make her art.

When she walked into the main office

she displayed her canvases with glee

and her secretaries smiled through tight mouths

trying to hold-back their puke.

“It’s an abstract,” she said.

“Of what?”

“How does it make you feel?”

“I want to blow my brains out.”

“Ha Ha Ha, no really?”

“I got to go.”

“Where’s she going?”

If a social scientist did research there, they would’ve discovered that traffic declined by 30 percent.

More artwork was made, and hung

and then, one day

her secretary hung herself in the bathroom

with a note, attached to her coat, that explained

her husband was cheating on her,

but everybody knew the real reason.

the principal switched to golf

and everybody relaxed.

there were pictures of tiger woods hung on the walls

and when he broke-up with his wife

she tried to call him.

She got his agent instead, and professed her love.

“I’m a tiger,” she said. “We were meant to be together.”

And the following week

white men in white coats


She barricaded herself in her office

and stripped-off her clothes

then she began to paint the walls red.

When they took her away,

the elementary school got Christmas cards from her

painted red.

“We can’t all be artists and keep our sanity,” she said.


3 thoughts on ““We can’t all be artists and keep our sanity,” she said.

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