is a feeling

that makes a man ill at ease

especially, when he’s been doing the right thing for a long time.

It’s unnatural

like interacting with dead bodies all day, as a mortician

but there are benefits to working with the dead

they don’t judge you, or speak to you

You don’t have to listen to their insane values or politics

If I’ve done something I’m not proud of, it’s a pleasure to hide-away

this could be due to shame, but the shame passes

like a shit

and it feels good to be alone

for a period of time. In fact, it’s like Demosthenes who couldn’t speak

so he shaved half his head

for fear of what people would think

if he left his small room, as a half-hairless man

and he practiced his speaking skills

until he didn’t stutter.

Any degenerate nervousness

is its own cure

Stay away from people long enough

and you are reborn.

I stop eating for 3 or 4 days

A man needs to know that he can survive on his spirit alone.