I was in church, yesterday

and they were talking about swearing.

“I don’t do it,” my friend said. “My girlfriend does it, and I correct her.”

“I swear,” I said.

“That’s not true!”

“Oh, I do it in moderation. My mother said swearing could affect my vocabulary. Pretty soon, fuck is the only word you know. Fuck this and fuck that. Personally, I think fuck is a great word, with many deep meanings.”

I said this in church, around 20 conservative people, and their jaws dropped. They have known me for 5 years.

They never knew I had the devil inside of me.

“We’ll pray for you,” they said.

“The inflection of my voice alone, makes the word versatile, like the Eskimos who have 20 different names for snow

or is it 200?

I don’t know.”

Then I got into a conversation about self-defense.

“When I was in high school, I watched Rocky, and I practiced on the heavy bag. There was a kid I wanted to kill. My dad told me not to do it—that he would talk to the principal, on my behalf, and he did.

I had dreams of pounding his face in.”

“What did he do to you?” My friend asked me.

“Oh, I don’t remember. I think he got under my skin.”

My friend held his breath.

His eyes got really big.

Later, I told him, “I would’ve never really done it.”

“I know, Andy. You have a heart of gold.”

We got to his sister’s apartment and there was a full-sized mirror up against the wall.

I did a spinning back kick, and kicked way above my head, several times.

“I didn’t know you could do that!” My friend said. “You could kick somebody’s ass! You’re lethal!”

“I spent years watching Jean Claude Van Damme, and punching the heavy bag.”

“No joke. I can tell!”

It’s good to know, I still surprise the people I know.

3 thoughts on “It’s good to know, I still surprise the people I know.

  1. People in church are liars usually. You think you’re vulnerable with them and they’re all interesting and pure when they’re all the same beat down broken spirit. You probably were sitting with strangers that you know.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I would say, there are people that go to church and act a certain way and there are people that go to work and act a certain way and there are people who go to school and act a certain way. Basically, we’re all actors and actors are liars. I don’t view the people in church as any worse than the people outside of church. There are a few good people, everywhere. It doesn’t matter where they go.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s