I sit in my office chair at work

I get up and get more coffee

I pass the science teacher in the hallway, with his golden mustache, skinny frame, and straw hair

He reminds me of Gary Ridgeway.

I say, “Hi” to him.

I scare him into the wall.

He doesn’t say anything to me.

For most of my life, I wished I was intimidating.

Now I am,

without even trying.

Last night, I was walking across my apartment parking lot

and a Honda Civic honked at me.

It was like that scene in Jurassic Park

when the T-Rex notices the car.

I kept walking.

So many guys are working-out at the gym, so they can kick somebody’s ass.

Muscles won’t get it done.

It’s an attitude.

So many guys are rude, they talk, and they honk horns.

They threaten

or complain

They don’t have it.

I have been searching for it

my whole life.

It’s a samurai spirit

that can cut people in two, like a sword.

For some reason, it becomes more and more necessary

the older I get.

Maybe, it’s the world and its wars

and the women who think they’re the same as me.

Maybe, it’s the men, who pretend to be my friend

Maybe, it’s knowing, that when you can’t do it for yourself, there’s no point at all

I would rather die by my own hand, seppuku

I don’t want love

I want respect, and only the kind I can take,

like a fighter in the ring.

I have a need for certainty

I am the master of my fate.

The alternatives are there, but we are afraid to see them

We don’t want to choose our destiny

We need a boss, to tell us what to do

an authority

somebody

to approve

or disapprove.

I don’t need anybody

I am no longer afraid to die alone

seppuku

I honor myself with my choice

my guts hang-out

on the internet clothesline.