Waking up to the sound of hell… my alarm clock,

the people in line at the grocery store,

the checker grins at me

she knows me by name

“No apples this morning?”

“No apples,” I said. “Only assholes.”

I have not self-isolated, for some time

and they want me,

to improve me,

to make me one of them.

I eat, and I get fatter.

I sleep, and I pray I don’t wake up in the morning.

I get into my car, and the assholes buzz around me, like blowflies.

I get to work, and a lady talks to me for 10 minutes about a typo I made on a report

Then she tells me again, “You made a mistake! Get your paperwork in by Thursday!”

“Aye Aye, sir!”

“What was that?”

“Yes mam.”

“Good.”

At work, the fat English Teacher likes me

Yesterday, she cornered me in the hallway, while I was talking to the janitor and said, “You’re my captain!”

I lead the evaluation meetings.

She found-out I was a writer. She’s a writer too.

They always are…

“What’s your middle name?” She asked me.

“Jedidiah.”

The janitor laughed at me.

She stormed off in a huff.

“And my name’s Tobias,” he said.

“Hey, Jedidiah is actually my middle name.”

“Sure, it is.”

I tell the truth, and people don’t believe me.

At the gym, I told my friend, “I’m magnetic to fat women.”

He believed me.

“They like you,” he said. “It’s the law of attraction. You got fat, so the fat women think they have a chance with you.”

“You don’t believe that,” I said.

“But you do.”

There was this blond girl in purple spandex. She was wearing a see-through sports bra, and doing squats.

“What do you think about her?” I asked.

“She’s fat,” my friend said.

The blond girl was tall, tanned, and had enormous curves.

She looked good,

but her face was sad.

I was sad.

We had things in common.