I had this dream

that a homeless leprechaun came to live with me

and he smelled

and ate my table scraps

and watched TV in my bed, while I was trying to read

and I almost lost my charity

until I tried to flush my toilet

and the water wouldn’t go down,

and I called the maintenance man

and he found gold nuggets

in my drain

where the poop should’ve been

and I connected two and two together

and waited…

and sure enough

I heard a metallic clink

and when he came out

he looked at me, like what’s the big deal

and I went in

to do my business

and found gold

and not the liquid kind

and I was rich

because of my charity

and I fed him better food

and he went to the bathroom

more and more

and pretty soon

I didn’t need to work

and he was happy

and then the gold turned to lead

and I asked him what was wrong

and he told me that his magic was gone

and I asked him how he might get it back

and he said that this happened from time to time

when he got constipated

so I made magic bullets

and waited for the gold

but it never came

and then I woke up

and checked my toilet

but there was nothing

so I flushed it

and it overflowed

and I reach my hand into the drain

and pulled-out a wad of toilet paper.