The Night Janitor has it all figured-out.

I listen to the same facts and figures, during my trainings

and it’s all semantics—a new way of saying the old,

but the Night Janitor has new information…

He’s trying to quit smoking,

and he has a theory on how to do it.

“I keep track of the number of cigarettes I smoke,” he said.

“On Wednesday, I smoked 5. On Thursday, I smoked 7. Today, I’ve only smoked 2.”

“That’s great,” I said. “Have you ever worn a patch?”

“A nicotine patch? Those don’t work for me. You know, they say quitting smoking is harder than quitting heroin. I have to do it, cold turkey. In 2005, I quit altogether, but 5 years later, I was at a bar with my friend and he said he was going for a smoke. I asked if I could bum a cigarette from him, without even thinking about it, and I started again.”

“So, you don’t feel the urge to smoke all of the time—only when you’re triggered?” I asked.

“That’s right,” he said. “I’ll tell you something else too. Since I’ve quit smoking, my cough has gone away. It could be the absence of arsenic in my lungs, but it might also be, that I’ve begun to use hydrogen peroxide.”

“How do you use it?” I asked.

“I put a drop in a glass of water and drink it three times a day. I do that every day and add a drop, until I reach 32 drops, three times a day.”

“I see,” I said. “And what does that do for you?”

“Bacteria and disease cannot exist in an oxygen-rich environment. The hydrogen increases the oxygen in the body. It must be food-grade, and if you do it, it will prevent sickness.”

I looked at his face. His hair was white, and combed back, over his skull. His teeth were white, despite smoking for 50 years. His skin was white, without color, translucent.

“I’m glad it works for you,” I said.

“I’ve even taken to shooting it up my nose, like steroid nasal spray,” he said.

“Wow.”

“And do you want to know something else?”

“What?” I asked.

“In the early 2000s, I contracted a nasty case of herpes from a whore. It was virulent, spreading all over my private parts. I went to see the doctor to get a blood test and he confirmed what it was. Right around that time, I started gargling with hydrogen peroxide, and ingesting it three times a day. My herpes cleared up. I went back to the same doctor and asked for a blood test.

‘You don’t have any STDs,’ my doctor told me. ‘What did you use to cure yourself?’

‘I found Jesus,’ I said, but that was a lie. What I really did, I kept to myself. If doctors found out about this, they would take hydrogen peroxide off the shelves faster than pharmaceutical companies deal-out drugs. It’s the cure, man, and they don’t want us to have free healthcare.”

“I haven’t been sick in three years,” I said.

“Wow—how do you manage that?” He asked me.

“I’m not telling.”

“Good for you.”

We fist-bumped, and he went back to scrubbing the toilets.

I went back to being trained.

I didn’t learn anything new from the guys with the Ph.Ds.,

but the night janitor,

is a fountain of knowledge for me.