The principal walked into my office.

“What happened?” He asked.

“I was in the bathroom,” I said, “Sitting on the toilet.”

His face was stern, but then, it smiled.

This could be, that I said something funny, or…

he finally intimidated me.

Truthfully,

he caught me off-guard.

The fact, that I felt

the least bit naughty

makes me sick.

“What are you going to do next time?” He asked me.

“I don’t know,” I said. Are you my dad? I didn’t say that.

“I was taking a crap, and I heard my name on the radio.”

“Do you have a radio?” The principal asked me.

“No,” I said. “It was the interventionist, outside. I called out—”

“While you were sitting on the toilet?” He asked me.

“Yes?”

“And you didn’t hear the announcement on the intercom?”

“No. It doesn’t work in my office.”

“Well, we’ll just see about that.” He left.

I breathed again.

There are so many people who suffocate me.

I have to sit on the toilet

to calm down

and the cycle repeats itself.

I flush,

and the turds go down,

to hell,

which is why I believe in God.

Heaven is empty.

I know there must be others like me,

but if that’s true

there must be more than one heaven.