My mother makes her rounds

and inspects things…

“Andy, you don’t have a garbage liner in your trash.”

“I know.”

“And there are rotten vegetables on your cutting board. Don’t you care what I think?”

“I know I should.”

She hears the flick of my cigar lighter, and then turns around.

Blue puffs of smoke float into the air.

“When did you start that!?”

“I don’t remember.”

“You know, when you get to heaven, God might say he never knew you,” my mother said.

“I know.”

“Why do you have fishing rods on your bed!?”

“I like spending time in the river.”

“Do you ever do that with a girl?”

“Not really.”

“Andy, I’m worried about you. You’re changing. You’re going nowhere fast.”

“I know.”

“Now, your friend is doing well for himself. He’s following God. Just got himself a cute girlfriend and a high-paying job. Don’t you want that for yourself?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you know?”

“Most people don’t do what they want to do, and their whole lives are an exercise in that.”

“You need to stop reading philosophy.”

“I know.”

“It’s worldly, and warping your mind.”

“Perhaps.”

“What do you know?”

“Most of the things I might do, are a complete waste of time.”

“Getting married isn’t a waste of time!?”

“It could be.”

“Getting promoted isn’t a waste of time!?”

“Yes, it is.”

“What isn’t a waste of time?”

“If you’re doing something and you lose track of time, that isn’t a waste of time. There is a magic feeling there, like being close to God. I feel it on the river. I sense it in the pages of some books. I hear it between the notes of classical music.”

“You’re crazy.”

“Perhaps.”

“Don’t you care?”

“Not really. For the first time in my life, I know.”

2 thoughts on “I know

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