Now that I had a Mermaid resting on my chest, as we took-in the warmth of the morning sun, I considered my golf game. What was wrong with it? Nothing seemed wrong, as I lay next to her.

Her legs were longer than mine.

Her smile—innocent.

Winning, wasn’t necessary, anymore, now that I had, what I always wanted—a woman who would love me.

Neb was hopping down the concrete steps of the cliff, two at a time, with two beach towels, in each hand. He was grinning from ear to ear, exposing his yellow teeth.

“One for Master Andrew, and for his lady.”

She stood-up in the nude, but she wasn’t naked. She was like a fish, walking.

I stood-up, and all I wanted to do was swim into the ocean.

“Don’t even think about it,” Neb said. “If you go into the water, you will become a merman and your wife will want to join you, but she will drown.”

The pull to swim into the deep was stronger than being homesick, but I resisted.

Let me drive you into town,” Neb said. “I’ll call the ferry man.”

In two hours, we left the island behind.

Neb had no fashion sense, so I didn’t understand where his confidence came from. We went to Bloomingdale’s, Dior, Victoria’s Secret. I looked at the women on the walls with disdain—they looked like slaves in print—girls who worked for fame.

“What’s your name?” I asked the mermaid.

“You name her,” Neb corrected.

The men in the mall were staring at me and her. I could almost read their thoughts, like ticker-tape. How did a guy like him, get with a girl like her?

“I’ll call her Mandy,” I said.

“Mandy is a nice name for a mermaid,” Neb agreed.

She smiled and went into the changing room. When she came out, she was wearing a blouse and a skirt.

“Honey, when you’re in public, you need to button the top three buttons,” Neb said.

“Oh—” Mandy gasped, and she quickly did.

“What about practicing?” I asked.

“No need,” Neb said. “Your life was totally out-of-balance. Hence, your golf game went to hell. We just added a mermaid, to stabilize your ambition. Now, nothing can stop you.”

Later that week, I walked onto the green, with my mermaid watching. Tournament flags and gallery were waiting for me to blow-up, like I did before, but I didn’t need to win, anymore. I had more love for the game, more joy, in my heart. I found myself in trouble, only once, in an impossible lie, but that was solved, with my lucky 7-iron, glowing in my bag—compliments, of an undead golfer. My ball went so high, I thought it would never come back to earth. When it did, it was two feet from the pin, and I won.

I was a new man—a merman, with a beautiful wife.

And we lived happily ever after.

The End

5 thoughts on “I Become a Merman

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