“Well—I’m ready.”

“I’ll tell you when you’re ready.” There was a pause. “Okay—you’re ready. What’s your club of choice?” Neb asked.

“A 7-iron.”

“Oh—many golfers love that club—it’s very forgiving.”

“It’s lucky,” I said.

Neb unearthed an old golfer with white hair. He had a bald patch on his head, so that his hairstyle looked like a big sun.

Neb pried the 7-iron from the dead golfer’s hands with his shovel.

“His hair looks like it never stopped growing,” I said. 

“Yes, it goes deep underground, like tree roots.”

The club was a lightning rod in my hands. I could feel the electricity shooting through my bones. We walked to the bluff, with a tee-box, pointing out to sea.

“Give her a go,” Neb said.

When I swung, it felt like gravity, behind me, and the ball was weightless. Neb pulled his telescope from his pocket, and extended his eyes.

“It plopped in the water, at the horizon-line,” He said, “Just like fish bait. I can already see the maidens of the deep, fondling your ball.”

“Really?” I asked.

“Yeah. Now we have to work our way down the cliff and row out to meet her.”

“How do we get to the beach?” I asked.

“I’ve made some concrete steps, and I have a ladder that will take us down,” Neb said.

It was poorly put together, but not dangerous. The boat, on the other hand, did not look sea worthy.

It was perfectly calm, with no wind, but water kept sloshing in.

“Here—use this to bail water.” Neb gave me a flower pot.

When we got to the horizon, there was my golf ball, glowing under the glass surface.

“Mermaids love shiny things,” Neb said.

A fin poked out of the water. It was green, with blue veins. It could’ve belonged to a big bass, and then her head emerged. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Her hair was black, like volcanic glass, and her eyes had fire in them. She looked at me with love, and pushed her chest out of the water, to show me, her body.

“Now, retrieve your golf ball,” Neb said.

“But will she drown me?”

“Only if you focus too much on her boobs. Keep your eye on the ball, and don’t look, until you reach the shore. Then she will be beached like a whale, and if the red sun rises, her scales will melt off, and you must make love to her, like she is the only woman in the world.”

I held my breath and jumped into the deep. I kept my eyes closed, until the ball was right in front of my face. She grabbed me around the waist, but I kicked, and fought, and swam to shore. I wasn’t a great swimmer, but when your survival depends on overcoming the elements, primitive drives take over. She tried to swim in front of me, and show me her boobs, but I closed my eyes and felt them instead. She swam, and I held onto her, as she saved my life. When we got to the beach, it was difficult for her to breathe, but she hungered for me, and I found a tied pool, two feet deep, and let her swim in. Then we made love like fish, slimy, with big lips, until the tide went out, and the sun shined on our passionate sin.

“You smell like fish,” I said.

“I’ll get some perfume in town, she laughed.

Her breathing was deep, as her lungs expanded, and our bodies merged as one. Her laugh was full of cheer and cruelty. Her fins cracked, and sluffed off, into flesh. Her legs were gorgeous, long, with milky-white skin, and I stared at that glowing golf ball, and then into her eyes, filled with amber fire.