“Isn’t it great man, that we can attract women? It’s not like the old days, when we dreamed up strategies, for picking-up broads, and we had to play with ourselves, endlessly, because we couldn’t get laid. We studied. We got better. We accomplished things. Now, look at us. We go to the gym, and the girls giggle, they want to be around our masculine energy—round girls, tiny girls, older women with hard bodies—they know when a man is in demand. Even my sisters are treating me better, and my mother.”
I looked at him. He had shaved. He was nearing his mid-thirties. He looked like he was 22. When I first met him, he could’ve been 15. The girls left him alone then, for legal reasons. Now, he is ripe. He has the advantage of world travel, speaks 5 languages, and has a Ph.D.
“I think girls like me, because I’ve done things,” he said.
“Our relationship has been a journey.”
“A bromance,” he corrected.
“You got that right. When it works, it works.”
“We should go out on a double date.”
“It went well last time.”
“Sure, it did. I flirted. I gave the nurses a hard time. I like to do that.”
“I don’t think, they enjoyed your teasing.”
“Which part? Was it when I said that I needed to marry a girl who was 20 years younger with a nursing degree, so she could take care of my ailing bladder, or was it when I suggested we live in separate houses, on the same lawn, so that way, I can leave my dirty laundry on the floor?”
“It was everything you said, man. When are you going to give-up bachelorhood?”
“I’m in no hurry.”
“The problem is, what if both girls want to date you, and not me?”
I looked at him. He had the perfect body. I was retaining water. Last time, he got both of their numbers. He was a dog.
“I don’t think that’s going to be a problem, man. Plus, we know a man can’t negotiate attraction. When a girl likes you, she likes you.”
“My life is about to work out. I’m going to get a job at Amazon, and make 200K a year.”
“Really? I hope I become a writer. I’ve been praying. It doesn’t seem to work.”
“I tell our friends that your blog is growing. I do everything to promote you.”
“Just be sure not to tell any women about your blog. Otherwise, she won’t date you.”
“When you get all your money, what are you going to do with it?”
“I’m going to invest it, in real estate.”
“Did you invest in Bitcoin?”
Friends climb mountains together and share the golden light. They look at each other sideways, like knaves, competing for what doesn’t matter. All of this is held together by two-pair.