Many of the people I know
wish for things,
but unfortunately,
wishes
don’t come true.
I would like to
believe
in a benevolent God
who
has my best interests at heart
but
things don’t work-out the way I want them to
and believers say, “that’s because your heart needs to want what God wants”
Well…
I need a transplant.
I don’t know if the organ needs to be shifted to the right
or to the left.
If we can’t use God, where is God? God is not a genie in a bottle
So, why do we believe in him
the absent god
the unknowable god
the unseen god?
Great men
of good fortune
are praising God. It makes sense to do this
because
if you have everything, why not have God too?
It doesn’t hurt to have faith, if you have everything
The man with nothing, has even less
To those who have, much will be given
To those with little, even that will be taken away
I like to think what hell will be like
Perhaps, it’ll be like when the power goes off
and I am bumping into things, completely disoriented
looking for the light switch
but there isn’t one.
A coworker asked me once, if I was afraid of the dark
and I told her, “I like the night.”
“Why?” She asked.
“Things are less obvious at night. Ugly things become beautiful in the blackness.”
“My husband likes the night too—that’s why he’s a cop. Maybe you should become a cop?”
“I don’t think so—I’m afraid of the dark.”
“But you said, you like the night.”
“I like things I’m afraid of.”
And
we are closer to our answer…
Most of us are afraid of who we might become
slivers of success
irritate us
we scratch at them, and they bleed
“See—look—I have an owie.”
But nobody cares, it’s not an open sore
a gaping wound
or an absent heart
it’s just a little pain, from walking across the beauty bark
Most of us, want something
Few of us, want to become something
If we put ourselves into a painting, we can smile at people for centuries.
“Leonardo, you are a beautiful woman.”
If we put our thoughts into words, we can speak to people for Millenia
“Virgil, you are a magician.”
A destiny, is like, when you wake up, and can’t find the light, so you decide to work in the dark.
How many people don’t know who they are
and give themselves to job descriptions?
Humanity, is understood, because it was created by somebody else.
“Who are you?”
“I’m a Christian. I’m a Republican.”
“Oh—I like Christians, but I don’t like Republicans, so we can’t be friends.”
“But you haven’t gotten to know me.”
“Oh—I know you. I know all of your conservative talking points.”
When you are truly alone, the darkness becomes your friend
because
there is nothing obvious in the dark.
Intellectual Shaman 
Definitely a very deep piece that resonates with myself even. Not a label but on a spiritual journey because I, myself have always questioned why “God” something worshiped would allow atrocities to happen especially to vulnerable children. In a perfect world the God I would believe in if I was religious would not allow there to be victims of abuse/sexual abuse or any horrendous things….so when some say “God will not give you more than you can handle” this piece you have written resonates. I including many never asked to be victims of abuse or sexual abuse so where was God then?
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Thanks for reading Sara-Loretta! I step outside and sense there must be a God. There is also evil. I just have difficulty making sense out of this life, regardless.
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Agreed. being more spiritual and one with the universe mentality I sense something bigger than our existence out there still learning each day. Nature in itself and stepping outside of the box per say. Have a great week ahead!
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Thanks Sara!!! 🙂
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I went to the same thing when I had my crisis with faith. My granddad died of cancer after agonizing pain. I asked myself: ‘where was God then?’
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Yes, how we feel about things, doesn’t seem to matter. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts Daily Poetry.
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Great post. Resonates on many levels
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Thanks for reading, Karenhoffen!
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Where is God when things go sour? My thinking goes in two directions on that question.
The first thought is God could control the evil, but then he would have to make us puppets on a string. We would have no choices to make. So no choice to be compassionate or cruel. No choice to be anxious or awe inspired. Puppets lack humanity.
I’m still ruminating on what I heard recently. While I like my story as in life story to be pleasant and noble etc. , it’s my story that I’m focused on. Then their is God’s story, and how do I fit into God’s story. Why my brain injury 7 years ago through no fault of my own. In God’s story I’m pushed or prodded into living a repurchased life. I have a choice of being bitter about it or use my experience to grow in empathy.
Having a choice makes me human rather than a puppet being constrained by the master puppeteer.
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Yes–we all have a choice, despite conditions. That choice can be restricted. Some of us have more choices than others. I believe we have free will. I believe that because that belief serves me. I don’t know if it is true. We may live in a determined universe, where God knows everything that will happen, and allows everything to happen, and He made it that way. Thanks for sharing your story, Jasper!
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My take on the why does God allow evil question is that there is some huge payoff for going through sufering and struggle that we don’t see until after we die. I got this idea from Rudolf Steiner, the German mystic philosopher from the early 1900s and also from reading some near death experiences. Related to this is the weird perverted idea that in our higher self state we appreciate getting to experience the full spectrum of experiences. It makes me want to throttle that higher self/God but hey what the heck?
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I was in a discussion with a person whose health was in decline – a version of MS. She talked about what she called the gift of suffering. That got me thinking. So in response to Rose Wolfe (blogged on WordPress before her passing) I discovered a blog post titled The Gift of Suffering.
I think the broad range of life experience makes one more human. Well, a more multidimensioned human might be a better way to put it.
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When you say a more multidimensional human I realize we have no idea what that even means..but it sounds good. Which takes me back to the whole idea that we really have no idea about any of this. It’s all supposition based on this myopic view we get from ground zero. We’d like to think we understand things and that God is like us and it’s just a small leap of reasoning to put everything together in a neat package, but we don’t. We can’t. The dimensions of possible experience are so far beyond words it’s ridiculous.
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Yes–too true. Supposedly, we are made in the image of God, however, humans have significant limits!
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