I watched a movie yesterday
where the terrorists were unmarried young men
between the ages of 20 and 35.
I’m 35, unmarried.
As you get older, you start to realize these things
especially when you don’t fit into age boxes.
Being out of the box, often means you are free
but it isn’t fun for most people
who prefer enclosed spaces.
Lately, I’ve been reading a lot of history
listening to lectures, from Hammurabi to 9/11
they all speak of a destiny
a string theory, that reverberates
throughout the ages, like a symphony, that nobody can predict.
Our destiny, is one, we are born with.
Sure, we have free will, but only in as much
as to fulfill
our destiny, or not.
I asked my dad about this, yesterday.
“Do all men have a destiny?”
“No,” he said.
His response would negate the idea
that all men are created equal.
“Negate”—a teacher at my work told me I like to use big words…
Truly, some men are destined to do great things
go to board meetings
and/or get married.
When we are young, we have unknowable potential
we might die of a disease, or live to be 100, without living
My mother asked me, who I was, yesterday
It’s strange, the people who know me the most, don’t know me.
“I haven’t done anything with my life,” I complained
“You’ve used your time well,” my mother said
I went home and watched my high school graduation video
it’s funny, destiny was written on their faces
Only two, popped out, among the children who spoke of trips, that changed their lives
One, was a kid I knew from elementary school. He works as a CEO.
The other, was me. It wasn’t my face, but my eyes and mouth
that betrayed me
the eyes were in pain, and determined
had swallowed something bitter
I was 18.
At any moment, we can be wiped-out
like a stain
like a bug
scraped off a windshield.
Maybe, we are unknowable, to ourselves
until, we can look at our guts
under the microscope
and as the winds of time blow
we are uncovered
like a lost city
in the desert.
My plans, were written, on the wall
but somehow, my will, was unwilling
without the hand of God.
I am waiting
for my destiny to call me
my will is unwilling.