The mummy dipped its hands into the spaghetti sauce, so they looked as if they were covered in blood.

Green Berets were losing their shit, left and right, “It tried to strangle me!” A soldier said.

Nonsense, I thought.

If you’ve been dead for 6,000 years and come back to life in a shit hole, where do you go?

To get washed off.

I guess it got hungry on the way to the showers…

I threw my bucket of water on the mummy, and it became visible.

I immediately understood why it wanted to be invisible—it was ugly.

General Wheeler pulled his side-arm and fired three shots into its chest. The mummy looked at him.

“He doesn’t mean it,” I said. “Let’s just get you washed off.” The mummy didn’t speak English, but it understood.

After the showers, it ate spaghetti and regenerated. General Wheeler gave the wrappings to our chemist, who successfully reproduced the chemical in the lab.

North Korea, China and Russia want to go to war with the United States because they think we have drastically reduced our military personnel.

We just have the invisible army from hell.

The End