“Doc—I don’t have any hands! Well, that’s not quite right—I can feel them, but I can’t see them.”
“What have you been doing with your hands?”
“Nothing—I swear, Doc!”
“Are you sure?”
“Well—I got latrine duty, again, and when I went into the officer’s crapper, I discovered a mummy.”
“Yeah. It was wrapped in what looked to be toilet paper.”
“I see. Did you discover a body?”
“Well, if there wasn’t a body, it can’t be a mummy. This happens after severe indigestion. A big wad of toilet paper collects in a hole, due to over-wiping. Some of our officers want to pretend their shit doesn’t stink, so they wipe extra clean. Come to my office in one hour.”
“Wash your hands.”
I got a knock on my door.
Max barged in.
“Doc—I can see my hands!”
“Okay. When did that happen?”
“When I washed them.”
I was trying to understand Max’s defense mechanism. Did he do something dirty, and when he was done, the cleansing water washed away his sin?
“You are obviously suffering from a psycho-somatic illness due to your repressed sexual desires that you have acted upon, and then tried to cover up.”
“Doc, no disrespect, but I don’t think that’s it at all.”
“Oh… What do you think it is, then?” I gave him my all-knowing look of condescending superiority.
“It has something to do with this toilet paper I took-off the invisible mummy. See.” He pulled the dressings from his pocket. I could see that it wasn’t Scott’s or Charmin.
His hands vanished.
“There must be a chemical on those dressings that makes your hands invisible. Here, let’s have you wash.” He used my sink and his hands became visible again.
“Fascinating,” I said.
To be continued…