“Doc—I don’t have any hands! Well, that’s not quite right—I can feel them, but I can’t see them.”

“What have you been doing with your hands?”

“Nothing—I swear, Doc!”

“Are you sure?”

“Well—I got latrine duty, again, and when I went into the officer’s crapper, I discovered a mummy.”

“A mummy?”

“Yeah. It was wrapped in what looked to be toilet paper.”

“I see. Did you discover a body?”


“Well, if there wasn’t a body, it can’t be a mummy. This happens after severe indigestion. A big wad of toilet paper collects in a hole, due to over-wiping. Some of our officers want to pretend their shit doesn’t stink, so they wipe extra clean. Come to my office in one hour.”

“Okay, Doc.”

“And Max…”


“Wash your hands.”

I got a knock on my door.

Max barged in.

“Doc—I can see my hands!”

“Okay. When did that happen?”

“When I washed them.”

I was trying to understand Max’s defense mechanism. Did he do something dirty, and when he was done, the cleansing water washed away his sin?

“You are obviously suffering from a psycho-somatic illness due to your repressed sexual desires that you have acted upon, and then tried to cover up.”

“Doc, no disrespect, but I don’t think that’s it at all.”

“Oh… What do you think it is, then?” I gave him my all-knowing look of condescending superiority.

“It has something to do with this toilet paper I took-off the invisible mummy. See.” He pulled the dressings from his pocket. I could see that it wasn’t Scott’s or Charmin.

His hands vanished.

“There must be a chemical on those dressings that makes your hands invisible. Here, let’s have you wash.” He used my sink and his hands became visible again.

“Fascinating,” I said.

To be continued…


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