Training

is about Targets

and Execution

is about something else

Entirely.

I watched a dad and his son on the golf course today.

“You took a big divot—go ahead and put it back,” the dad said.

The shot went nowhere.

On the next hole, was me, forecasting what would happen, perfectly

I can see a loser, from a mile away

I can see myself, driven mad with hunger

trying to figure-out, what I should do about it

before I starve to death.

Recently, I indulged my appetite with junk food

because that’s all there was

which leads to a spiritual death

that keeps me alive, but never allows me to feel full.

Ambition, can make me insane with desire

until I think I am better than I actually am

and I want something

that isn’t even close

to what the work is.

There was no ambition shared between father and son, just bonding

and the catch-all phrase, “You’ll get it the next time.”

It could be that I spent the last two days thinking about things

that have nothing to do with reality.

I watched a particularly annoying coworker, walk down the street with her daughter today.

What she wants, is simple, and she gets it—

advancement, her husband, her daughter, and an explanation for her existence.

Relationships matter

but they’re not the only thing

and most people never find it—

If they do, they give up

on it

for what

somebody else wants:

a house, a job, a relationship.

Maybe, we don’t have to choose

but the longer I go without it

the more clearly, I realize

I do.

If I choose it

over and over again

I wait to see if it becomes my friend

loyalty, doesn’t matter, to the thing

unless it chooses me.

I pray

that the sun

smiles on me.

At this time in my life

I am willing to burn ships

relationships

before the sun sets

and when it does

I will be alone

in the dark

before I go to sleep

forever

and I ask that last question:

Was it worth it?

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