“How can that be?”

“When I was a late teenager—say, 19, I think—I was bitten by a woman, a very sexy woman.”

“Grandpa—this isn’t going to be one of your sexual stories, is it?”

“Just listen—she bit me on the neck and left a mark—then she kissed it. Man, I had the hots for her—no woman had ever done that before. It wasn’t until a week later, that I knew I was in trouble. My muscles were cramping and growing, giving me strange strength. In the high school gym, I lifted all the weight on the squat. On our following date, there was more aroused in me, than just the male organ.”


“Wait—you’re going to want to hear this. That night, it was a full moon, and I asked her to marry me on the dock of silver lake. It gets the name when the moon fits perfectly into the water, like a crystal ball, and your fortune is told there. I started to sprout hair all over my body, and so did she. We became animals, underneath the moonlight, and wrestled in the grass, and…”


“Okay—I’ll spare you the details. Your mother was conceived that night, and I learned something about myself, that I never knew before. I was a werewolf, but a recessive one, until I met the love of my life. She knew her body was different, earlier than I did. At camp, when she got her first period, she too, had enormous strength. When she played capture the flag, she was twice as fast as the other girls. As the years wore on, and we had a family together, we worried about our children. What if we harmed them when we went wild during that time of the month? I got a vasectomy because we thought birth control was a good idea. It didn’t work. Man, when guys talk about crazy sex, there is nothing like doing it with a werewolf.”


“The problem with our sex life was that one of us usually wound-up hurt. I would transform first, before she was fully wolf, and I would jump on her and…


“Sorry. So, we built a chair that she strapped me to. Kind of like BDSM, but for protection. On the day your grandmother was murdered, I didn’t quite make it to the chair, and I killed her. It was the monster in me, but I loved her. What I can’t figure-out is that you haven’t met the one yet. Do you go out at night?”

“I prefer reading the classics.”

“You know what they say… early to bed and early to rise, makes a man health, wealthy, and can’t get laid.”

“Funny, I’ve never heard that before. Say—what’s happening to you in prison? Are you transforming?”

“No. The beast is there, but it can’t come out without true love. You won’t know who you really are, until you go for walks with your lover in the full moon. Is there anybody?”

“Well… I like my doctor, but I don’t have any animal urges for her—more like a polite interest. Plus, I’m worried about women. I don’t want one to strap me to a chair.”

“Yes—you do.”

“I stay away from women, grandpa—it’s the safest thing for me to do.”

He sighed with a downcast face. “You don’t know what you’re missing.”

“Look where a woman got you,” I said.

“That’s not fair.”

“Our time is up. I love you grandpa, even if you murdered grandma.”

The door buzzed, and he was gone.

To be continued…

4 thoughts on “Grandpa’s Sexual Stories

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