It isn’t worth it

just to have something to write down

I don’t go out of my way

to experience painful people

They always find me

and their energy drain

is real

like a bathtub

of draino

their acidic talk, eats away at me.

I didn’t realize they had taken something from me

until it was too late

like a woman

raped at night

by an incubus.

I went to my parent’s house

to walk it off

and talk

but no matter what I said, I couldn’t feel better

and the sun was shining, while I spoke to my mother

“I don’t know if I’m ever going to amount to anything as a writer,” I said.

“Oh—look, aren’t the flowers beautiful?”

“Mom—are you even listening to me? You interrupted me, mid-sentence.”

“I didn’t hear what you said—you’re walking in front of me.”

“Well—why am I even talking to you then? I might as well be talking to myself.”

“I know…” She laughed.

I laughed.

We were in two different places

at the same time.

When we went inside, my dad was making me a steak. “Do you want a whole one?” He asked.

“Sure,” I said, but when I told him so, I wasn’t connected to my stomach

I was feeling sick

and tired.

“You know what… I think I’m just going to go home and lie down.”

“You’ve had a difficult week,” my mom said.

I got into my truck and thought about drinking…

I know why people do it.

Thankfully, I seldom feel this way.

17 thoughts on “Thankfully, I seldom feel this way…

  1. I have felt the same at times but since I live alone I wouldn’t take the chance. I have an addictive personality. I have been reading some TJ Klune and you remind me of how the latest protagonist feels

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’ve read four books from him so far. The last one was depressing bringing my own mourning back to the surface so I’m taking a break and going back to the Boboverse by Dennis Taylor. Scifi

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Also. If you haven’t read Klune before I would recommend The House in the Cerulean Sea for a first. Maybe you’ll fall in love with it like I did☺️

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, it would take a truly unpleasant person never to experience such feelings, so take comfort in those feelings when they happen, whilst remaining thankful for their rarity.
    They affirm your humanity. Even if it does not feel that way.
    But humanity does not require constant affirmation.

    Liked by 1 person

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