What they won’t tell you in high school

is that life is full of disappointments

If you don’t believe me

ask the unpublished writer.

We are only talking about the little ones right now

but the big ones of betrayal, or

total disbelief at the way the world works

baffle a man,

until he finds something small to live for

like the bottle

or the last few hours he has to himself, at the end of the day.

We are all waiting until that moment when we aren’t anymore

The good artist repeats himself

because he doesn’t have anything new to say

because spontaneity and gamble

are filled with safe routines.

It’s not so much that the writer is afraid

it’s just that, many writers can be lazy—they live inside carefully constructed worlds of words

that don’t really mean anything

to anybody.

And wait, if you are getting depressed, reading this poem, I am only getting started

It seems to me, life is essentially random

and the worst types of humanity rise to the surface of the swamp

to eat unsuspecting tourists

their teeth and toenails claw the child

I look on death as a blessing for me, as I am shepherded out of my misery

and blessed are many, who think they are getting ahead, when the end is near

I don’t blame them for trying

there is the faithful husband, with the happy family

and there are the darker elements of society

gold earrings, and crimson makeup—endless tanning, and sparkling blue eyes, with big, everything

green Lamborghinis, and go-fast boats

helicopters, and scotch with no water

scuba diving, and beautiful strippers who aren’t very smart

the oppressive elements who kill gangsters and protect you

girls can’t take their eyes off of you

they claw at your flesh because you are the man

there is a reality, buried deep inside him, and he claws for it

like cursed gold,

but it’s not in him

he isn’t a billionaire

just a lazy ass, with a big imagination

not smart enough, tough enough, or able to get it in gear

Even with the self-help gods

and changes that come with healthy habits,

he gets a bit fitter

but ultimately, he’s a quitter

bitter

because none of his work

takes him where he wants to go.

“Unrealistic Expectations” People say

“Be happy with what you got”

He knows why men throw themselves out of windows

like during the crash of 29

When the attention of beautiful women is gone

when the champaign runs out

when the endless parties stop

when there is nothing

Death, is the first word that enters his mind

the second

is God

Dying to the world, feels so wrong

because he has possessed it

for so long

Time is running out

Pretty soon, he’ll be old

with no lead in his pencil

and nothing to write down.