A disclaimer: I’m not crazy

but can you really trust someone who says, “I’m not crazy”?

I mean, it’s similar to when a woman calls you dangerous

and you say, “I’m not dangerous. No, really—I’m not dangerous!”

And then she pulls-out her pepper spray.

Lately, in my life

I’ve been able to be more like myself

and it frightens some people.

They are worried about where my fictional characters come from

inside, the dark recesses of my imagination

or,

where my strange philosophies come from

that I espouse.

If I say, “No—I only write to entertain, honestly.” Am I being truthful?

Truthfully, I don’t even know—

I love to play with ideas, and ask the same question

over and over again

“Why?”

People, who are afraid of fiction, don’t read

I am afraid of people

who don’t read—

they believe they have all of the answers

and they are quick to censor,

or to take offense.

My critics

come from

under bridges, where they make their homes

and they say, “Who is that, crossing my bridge? You have to pay a toll. You can’t say that. I’m offended.”

It is laughable, really.

My critics

come from churches—

their love is conditional

most of the love, in the world, is conditional.

It is difficult to explain myself in ink

If I defend my good name, and say, “I’m a good guy,” I am being defensive, and I am guilty—certain sure.

I ask myself…

“Why do I need to defend myself?”

Why do I need to belong—

to be accepted—

when all of that has a price?

This world can kill you in a million different ways

the battle is for your mind

your self-expression is gone when you don’t have a self

They will try to take that from you

In my undergraduate abnormal psychology class, the professor told us a story

about an experiment that went bad

when Research Psychologists feigned insanity

to get committed into a psych ward.

Then they started acting normal, and asked the doctors for their release,

but they were suspected of being insane

and they weren’t allowed to go home.

They were trapped

for months

and no amount of explanation

could prove their sanity.

That was the experiment

and it took doctors from the outside

to convince the insane staff

their patients were sane.

This story horrified me

but it gave me an explanation

for how people think:

social conventions

labels

religion

positions

clothing and dress (A patient wears a straight-jacket and a doctor wears a uniform)

these monikers

dictate,

who is credible, and who isn’t

Most people don’t have a clue

like lost detectives

who believe what they are told

who the murderer is

When you think for yourself

and actually find-out

it’s an uncomfortable truth.

People are blind to reality

unable to escape

their prisons

where they hold themselves captive

in their own minds.

19 thoughts on “A Disclaimer

    1. Yes–I remember that story vividly. It was frightening! The longer I write, it feels good to be honest, but the people I know, who read my blog, tell me I should stop writing, or write something different. This confirms that people want you to be, who they want you to be–and you don’t know this, until you start to act differently. Thanks for reading and commenting Carolyn!!!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes–I usually go to the library in professional clothes, and the people outside the library ask me about my day and smile. Then I go to the library in my sailor’s sweatshirt my aunt got me. It’s ragged, and nobody engages with me. I call it my invisible jacket, because people treat me like I’m invisible.

      Like

  1. Nicely said. I hear echoes of your thoughts in my own- I feel we are all mad, to some degree, collectively as a society, as a culture- there is something to terms like “mass psychosis”, or what I call ‘societal information overload’- these devices in the palms of our hands are possible the greatest single tool ever put into the hands of man, but like all tools, there are dangers to the operator.

    I don’t feel our society was ready for the last 40 years. But it seems voices of dissent, of caution, or sober analysis are silenced, censored, pushed into the corner and told “bad!”

    Keep on, good sir.

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    1. RE “mass psychosis” …

      The official framing of this “phenomenon” is misleading and wrong. The false hope-addicted psychologists and their acolytes want you to believe this is “just some temporary occasional” madness by the masses that has been going on since only the 20th century when it is but a spike of a CHRONIC madness going on for aeons with “civilized” people — https://www.rolf-hefti.com/covid-19-coronavirus.html

      One of these mainstream psychologists who have been spreading this whitewashed reality, Dr. Desmet, also fails to see that the Covid Psyop is a TOTALLY deliberate ploy because he doesn’t think it’s ALL intentionally sinister. This makes him witting or unwitting controlled opposition.

      Worst of all, perhaps, the mass formation/mass psychosis notion frames the problem as the public being a mere unaccountable non-culpable victim in this phenomenon. Nothing could be further from the truth…

      Liked by 1 person

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