found in the dark

like a light switch

fumbled for

with fingers

faith, or fear

lingers.

I went to bible study

and when I sat down

in the group

not even a “hello”

It was like they had been pissed-on by demons

and they spoke of the war in Ukraine

about the farmers stealing tanks

poking holes in gas tanks.

God is on vacation

while the gods of war

want mushroom clouds.

I understand why people take mushrooms

with an economy threatening their future

their lives

their perfect wives

their plans

behind a white picket fence

I say, “let the bombs drop”

let death come

I am ready

If we can’t live honorably, let’s see if we can die honorably

We will see who believes in God

when the rivers choke

and the skies fall

and the rocks glow

red

and the grass is dead,

and all hope is forgotten

like a lost generation.

I long for this moment

because, it will be a true test

I have been living here, ready to take my examination

for years

to get an A, for asshole

where reality rains, like radiation.

We are comforted by the lies we believe

It’s not that people have a lack of faith—

they believe in all kinds of lunacy that makes them feel good

and

the philosopher will be the last man standing

not because he has a chance

but because he must stand for something.

The truth doesn’t matter

when the equation is erased.

What can we solve, beyond comfort and death?

That is the philosopher’s question

and when he answers it

he will be a madman

in the dark

until he finds the light, with his heart.

The bible leader spoke about God’s provision in our lives

how he went to medical school

without money

job

or car

and the gifts of God kept coming.

His audience was full of ditch diggers and the unemployed

the disabled, and those who believe in luck (I believe in luck—although, I’m not supposed to)

I wish he talked about persecution, like he did last week

or suicide

or suffering, that intensifies.

I could’ve done something with that

but he wanted us to believe life makes sense

with God

Life works out

like a body builder, who never misses a day in the gym

and drinks protein shakes, and never farts

but I think life is a fat man in the McDonalds drive-through

waiting for a heart attack, and the Big Mac

Life works out, when it has to

God is always there, and most people don’t care

Find

where you belong

and when the mushroom clouds come

the split atom, is beautiful

like a man-made sunrise.

I’ll be on the golf course, watching the show

the glow

while the fair-weather golfers gather in bomb shelters

trying to eek-out two-more-minutes of existence

I’ll read poetry

because, death is poetic

so is life,

if you hear the beat

People try to make it a religion,

an equation,

a perfect house.

I make it a philosophy.

It’s the only way to keep the lights on

until they go out.