I feel that my mind is going into decline
or, I am becoming wiser.
Let me explain…
Some children have a strong instinct
give up their true natures in the classroom.
I was in a staff meeting, yesterday
and the vice principal was droning-on
about upcoming state testing. He stopped and cracked a joke
to make sure we would laugh
I laughed, because others were laughing
it was like a staff-infection
Then, he started randomly calling on teachers to paraphrase what he said.
I hoped he wouldn’t call on me, because
I couldn’t remember anything he said.
I would have to say something like…”Testing—I think I heard the word, testing
and everybody would laugh at me.
I don’t care.
My survival is not dependent on approval.
Those he called on, had nearly 100% recall.
“Nice job, Patty, you get a gold star.”
It has been a gradual dawn, a twilight of knowing
that my childhood was taken from me
by robots who seek positive praise. This is what I was talking about, earlier
I can’t remember—
it’s like my brain has stopped functioning—
it doesn’t do, what it’s supposed to—
it comes up with weird philosophies—trying to discover the hidden meaning
behind it all.
Somehow, I make-it
on instinct, or a weird will.
I do whatever I want
I am hard to kill.
And I am more relaxed than ever
it pisses off, everybody else.
Nobody gets me, in their stressed state
it’s a place, I don’t want to visit
and they don’t want to visit me
It’s a perfect world.