I have this obsession to know

the deepest darkest secrets of my soul

those places, hidden to me.

Philosophy, might uncover them

or obscure, what I don’t know.

I don’t wish for a different fate

only to create

my own.

We are dissected

by other minds

probed

for weaknesses.

I don’t try to turn off my brain

but to understand the gift, someone is giving me

It happens in board meetings

or with family

Subtle messages, said—that mean one thing, while saying another

Women cut each other to shreds

with their words

I am an admirer of this

Not for the pain caused—but for the psychological games played

the wounds, that aren’t real

that need to heal

while I study them

sewing my philosophical stitches to overcome my own pain

This is the great pleasure of my life

I feel

like a masochist

sometimes a sadist

inflicting subtle social messages

to see if I can do it

I’m not that good at it

I am a man, so it doesn’t come naturally

Usually, I just explode

to the hidden delight

of the innocent.

Some women can cut you

so that you don’t even know you are cut

you bleed-out slowly, in private

tortured by your own thoughts

That is the power of suggestion

Implanting ideas in the mind, so you believe they are your own

Women are masters of every subtle art

because they have needed to practice seduction and hypnotism for centuries

to stay alive, to have control.

I don’t blame them for this

Mostly, they’re harmless

It’s the man who learns these skills, who scares me

It’s unnatural,

when it’s mastered, it is subtle social power

the most dangerous kind.

The more I see into my own life

the more I understand my spirit

it causes me to think about the characters I encounter

I am less bothered, now

I step into the wilderness

with my mental map to guide me

If you intend to do something,

focus on that point of light—your creative compass

while the darkness claws at you

Faith, is what you focus on

Not the waves, or their envy—it will draw you down their rabbit holes

which will make you lost.

Even still, I enjoy to get lost

in what I don’t understand

pleasant people

hiding their true natures

underground

where the monsters live.