If you love your life while you have it,

you are the few.

Most people are reaching for something new—something, that isn’t there.

They wish to be things, they are not.

They don’t know who they are

they’re just there

like competing philosophies, that tell them to think

differently.

We are our habits, and it takes tremendous effort to change

It seems true, that what we want, eludes us

and if we don’t get it, we quit

and if we get it, we quit.

I have been hoping

for some life-long habits

that bring me meaning.

They are so easily killed, in public

or I can kill them, privately

by questioning their value.

Those people that come along, that I look up to

won’t last forever

their stories and voices become stale, so I am always looking for something new

but I know the best kind of inspiration comes from within myself

and if I can’t remake me

I am dead.

If you talk to a person

that you knew 10 years ago

and they seem the same,

is it a relief?

I want them

to say, “You changed.”

I equate that with being alive.

There is a point, when I decide

to love my fate,

to be satisfied with the outcome

but this will never mean

I stop trying to mold myself

into my vision.

If I am clay, I don’t want to cook myself.

In time, I will harden

in the heat of the day.

The visions I have

change

like movies in my private collection.

They are special to me.

I rewatch them.

I wonder if I can become the characters that I love

rather than being burdened by my own inadequacies?

I shamelessly search for a new philosophy.

How far I have come, and yet

I am just the same.

We can get married to memories

and we can divorce them.

The past does not always have to be with the future.

I think about the major books that have changed my life

without them, I would be creating meaning

from the voices

that didn’t sound quite right.

Who knows why we choose to listen to something new?

The world loves money, and maybe you

a poor man, isn’t listened to

unless he claims to be God.

At the end of life, we will know

and the only critic there

will be you,

or

the philosophy

you didn’t listen to.