If you love your life while you have it,
you are the few.
Most people are reaching for something new—something, that isn’t there.
They wish to be things, they are not.
They don’t know who they are
they’re just there
like competing philosophies, that tell them to think
differently.
We are our habits, and it takes tremendous effort to change
It seems true, that what we want, eludes us
and if we don’t get it, we quit
and if we get it, we quit.
I have been hoping
for some life-long habits
that bring me meaning.
They are so easily killed, in public
or I can kill them, privately
by questioning their value.
Those people that come along, that I look up to
won’t last forever
their stories and voices become stale, so I am always looking for something new
but I know the best kind of inspiration comes from within myself
and if I can’t remake me
I am dead.
If you talk to a person
that you knew 10 years ago
and they seem the same,
is it a relief?
I want them
to say, “You changed.”
I equate that with being alive.
There is a point, when I decide
to love my fate,
to be satisfied with the outcome
but this will never mean
I stop trying to mold myself
into my vision.
If I am clay, I don’t want to cook myself.
In time, I will harden
in the heat of the day.
The visions I have
change
like movies in my private collection.
They are special to me.
I rewatch them.
I wonder if I can become the characters that I love
rather than being burdened by my own inadequacies?
I shamelessly search for a new philosophy.
How far I have come, and yet
I am just the same.
We can get married to memories
and we can divorce them.
The past does not always have to be with the future.
I think about the major books that have changed my life
without them, I would be creating meaning
from the voices
that didn’t sound quite right.
Who knows why we choose to listen to something new?
The world loves money, and maybe you
a poor man, isn’t listened to
unless he claims to be God.
At the end of life, we will know
and the only critic there
will be you,
or
the philosophy
you didn’t listen to.