My mother is worried that I am committing career suicide

if a future employer reads my blog

“That’s okay with me,” I said. “One gets a certain thrill out of playing Russian Roulette— kinda like gambling, with something to lose.”

“But they’ll think you’re mentally imbalanced,” she said. “You don’t believe all those things you write, do you?” She asked, pleadingly.

“Of course, I do! It’s coming straight from my soul!”

“Then you need to get your heart right with Jesus,” she said.

“I pray, every day, and God talks to me—where do you think my ideas come from?”

“They are coming from somewhere else. You don’t seem happy.”

“Well… we’re basically chemicals—any bad feelings are due to an imbalance.”

“God will give you balance,” my mother said.

“I need my highs and lows.”

“God will make you happy all of the time.”

“I don’t want that. What did you think of my latest poem?”

“I think it is the worst one you have ever written!” She said. “You are so judgmental.”

I smiled.

Maybe, I am a horrible human being, I thought.

I went to the library, on a sunny Saturday. A big part of me wants to blow up.

I checked-out a book on esoteric mysticism. The writer is a guy who electrocuted himself, and took various chemicals so that he might gain higher consciousness.

An Indian girl without any feathers checked me out, while I was checking-out my book.

It’s strange how the universe aligns—they call it synchronicity.

I flipped on the radio, and the guy said, “the number one anti-aging potion is green tea, and you should also drink cranberry juice—it’s full of anti-oxidants.”

Perhaps, my mother is right—this writing is getting really bad, but I feel liberated in a certain way.

If I ignore the critics, and keep going

nothing can stop me.

And this is a great lesson that all of you should learn:

Ultimately, the only person who can stop you, is yourself. All the rest is noise.

I went for a walk with my mother in the woods. She’s 75, now, and I haven’t given her a heart-attack yet—although, sometimes, I make her sad.

“I have this idea about a guy who is afraid of moving-on with his life. He goes to a doctor, who recommends him to a psychiatrist. Doctor Fear prescribes several mental health exercises, and when he doesn’t follow through, strange things happen to him. His phones are bugged, and his psychiatrist threatens him with murder. He has a cane with a sword in it, and…”

“That sounds awful,” my mother said. “I hope that you don’t write it! Where are you getting your ideas from? You need to spend more time in church.”

“But mom, I’m already going twice a week. I’m getting more inspiration now, than ever before.”

“How will you ever get married?” She asked.

“Well… I’ve been thinking about deleting my blog,” I said seriously.

“Really?” She asked, hopefully.

“No,” I smiled.

14 thoughts on “I’ve Been Thinking About Deleting My Blog

  1. I’ve considered this predicament. I’m def in the hunt for a job, so I think subconsciously, at least, I filter myself here a bit. Or censor what I say on my blog, I mean… On the one hand I commend you for speaking straight from your soul. It’s refreshing. But I also think your mom makes a valid point. And my fam has previously been appalled at what I write too haha. I get it🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes– all great points Experience Film! As we get older and realize we have less time left, it is important to be our authentic selves! We are changing and experimenting when we take risks. If we can’t do this, I feel that the change is stifled. It’s also good to have a sense of humor about life. Without that, I think I might lose my mind, or I might write more!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I like that. And your sense of humor is refreshing. I’m way too serious most of the time. Usually When I talk to people with really good senses of humor, it’s comedy in itself bc they instantly pick up on my seriousness and sometimes neither of us can break through it

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hope you are joking about us being no more than chemicals. That implies you believe we are little sparks that soon extinguish in a vast expanse of essentially dead space.

    And yet if you look deep within you will find that there is a constant underlying sense of knowingness/consciousness/wakefulness. That you can access on the level of experience. Any notion of space being dead or ‘just matter’ or that ‘we are just chemicals’ is conceptual overlay, abstraction.

    We live in a vast ocean of living consciousness without beginning or end, always there, like the ocean is always underneath the infinite multivarious particularities dancing on the ever-changing surface up above with all its endless wave formations continuously coming and going.

    We are alive and sentient in a universe that is essentially alive and sentient as well since it has given birth to us within it.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. hahah. I don’t think you have to worry. I couldn’t even get my closest friend or family member to read my stuff, even if I paid them. Don’t you know? This is the age of anti-intellectualism and nobody reads. It’s just us fellow writers who look at each others’ stuff from time to time and appreciate it. Your future employer won’t know this is your blog and won’t take the time to read this. Keep writing and write what is true and also helpful and entertaining and has a purpose. Much respect brother. Then again, your post might have totally been fiction and if so, then yeah, I’m just talking. hahahah take care.

    Liked by 1 person

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