Have you ever put your attention somewhere

and forgotten all about it

like a cozy chair, in a cold room

by a roaring fire?

This is how I feel, when the world is silent

like a destroyed planet

where oceans glow

taking millions of years to change

The space in my mind, is full of demands

I entertain,

like an angry audience

that wants a good show

I smile

They smile

until something said, doesn’t please them

and they pelt me with popcorn and soda

Tomatoes are too healthy for them to throw

There are many pitfalls, for my empty mind

Needs,

get in the way of hot tea

and the bookshelf

I have already done so much,

for nothing.

At bible study, I give my opinion

and an engineer, getting his MBA, sets me right

he manages me, with his opinion, getting red in the face

I don’t say anything, watching him, get properly worked up

When I say things, differently

I am challenged, constantly

because they can’t categorize it, control it, or destroy it

it lingers, like an uncomfortable truth

I went snowshoeing with teachers, who practice being right, all the time

and I know,

there is nothing right, about me

I listen to their social swing

and dance, in time

just to be sure, I can

to be totally outside society

is not to understand it

to step away, and back in, again

is the joy of the dance

I am excluded,

until they believe my punishment is right

There is no depth, to society

only ripples, on a semi-frozen pond

If I say, what they want me to say

I get invited back in, again

“Oh—he was just confused. He knows the right way.”

“Why are you so calm?” My colleague asked me. “Aren’t you overwhelmed?”

“Yes.”

“Well, you hide it well.”

“Thanks.”

He thinks I’m superman

I go under the ice

hypnotized

in cold water

living in my mind, where it’s warm

like a planet, before being

consumed by the sun

I watch the sunrise catch fire

burning to hell

knowing

my death, is different.

12 thoughts on “My Death, is Different

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