I have spent years trying to understand the female
and “no,” this is not a sexist statement
like most things we do, we do them for survival
and I have been surviving…
learning, what works
when talking to women at work.
My friend, has recently had the chance to observe me
in a large group of women, outside of work
“You are so good with them,” he said.
I don’t know if he has credibility. Can the typical male (my friend) appreciate the skills of a savant?
Now, I know what you’re thinking… the man writing this, just lost credibility. He is not the type of man who would understand women.
Since working with women, I have realized that they are not always great, at relating to each other.
Women, are different, and
they are all the same.
I suppose, women can say the same things about men.
The first rule in dealing with women, (as a man) is to help her feel listened to
this means that you must be present,
and if you aren’t present, she will know.
She wants your full attention,
but not your over-concentration. She prefers a man who helps her to feel understood, without being too serious.
Kristen entered my office.
She was beautiful, when she was younger.
Now, the stress of her job, has frozen her white teeth into a permanent smile,
which always says the opposite
of how she feels.
Kristen pretends to know everything, because of her deep insecurities.
She dresses in teacher clothes (baggy blouses, with scarves, and jeans). She puts her hand in front of her mouth while she speaks. Her hair is straight black, and cut at her shoulders.
into my office,
“What testing do you want me to do?” She asked.
“The core assessment.”
“You know, each test is different?”
“I know,” I said. “You can decide. I know, you know, what you’re doing.”
She looks down and smiles superior. “Okay,” she said.
She asks my permission, but she wants to know, she knows more than me.
Twenty minutes later, Kathy comes into my office. I like Kathy, and she knows it. Many people don’t like her, because, she takes no prisoners.
“She is a black widow,” the vice principal told me.
Kathy, is a leader, and the male administrators don’t like that. Kathy wears baggy sweats, because she is always gaining, and losing weight.
“You know what Kristen wants?” Kathy asked.
“No—but I think you’re going to tell me.”
“She wants to put her kid, in Karen’s room.”
“Oh, is he low?” I asked.
“No, she just can’t teach him how to write. She tries to co-teach, because she thinks she knows so much more than me, but she doesn’t teach specific skills.”
“Oh—that sounds about right.”
“You know, I have so many meetings, and paperwork to do…”
(I love to hear Kathy complain. It’s entertaining.)
Her husband lives across the state. They still love each other, but they can’t live under the same roof. Kathy is having a border dispute with her neighbor, and she calls her husband to intervene. He drives 200 miles to help her.
“He tried to fix the sink, while he was at our house, but he doesn’t know anything. He’s useless. I fixed it in under two hours,” Kathy said.
She just wants him around, and she needs an excuse.
“You’re a survivor, Kathy.”
I can tell, it pleases her, when I say this.
With women, it helps if you can say the unexpected.
This is like an emotional roller-coaster that gives them a thrill.
Never tell them everything. Hint, at some kind of mystery—a story, only half told.
Betsy comes into my office. She’s exhausted. She is small and Jewish.
“Only six more months—and then I can retire.”
“Oh—that’ll be nice,” I said. I like Betsy. She’s the only woman at work, I trust.
“What did you think about that meeting?” Betsy asked me.
“Well… you know, the principal invited me, and told me not to say anything.”
“He said that to me too,” Betsy said.
“Remarkable. I guess he likes to hear himself talk.”
“What did you say to him, when he told you that?” Betsy asked.
“I told him, a meeting where I don’t have to talk, is the best kind of meeting.”
I like to make women laugh. I enjoy making them cry. It can be fun to make them angry.
I am a musician. I play the female. I love her music. Sometimes, she gets out-of-control
when I miss a beat, and when that happens, earplugs don’t work.