There is nothing that belongs to me—

even the stuff, I think, that is rightfully mine.

I have an urge to take from other people

and to dare them to defy me, or if not other people—the universe.

I want something that belongs to me

One could call this an entitled spirit

but the alternative is horrific

If you can’t take the glory, there is no glory at all

I know this painter through a family friend

He painted 20 years ago, for 20 minutes—and now he shows his art at the community center

Patrons pay 5 dollars for postcards and 10 for copies

“I decided to buy a couple of things to support him,” my friend said.

On the streets, at least the artists are playing the game of survival—it has integrity

Later, the same friend complimented me on my piano playing

I can barely string three notes together

Friends are always giving-out sympathy like lollipops—red, yellow, and green

while they set their sights on killing something real

Their hearts are in the right place, but a little less love…

“Kari said I was a nice guy,” I tell my friend’s mom.

“You’re a nice guy, some of the time,” she said.

Finally, the truth.

I tell my friend I’ve written something really good, and he reads it with lack-luster enthusiasm

You know when you’re good, and you know when you’re not

I’m looking for hope

but mostly, I get false hopes

We want something that helps us to believe

and not cheap, positive quotes

Magic is the ability to implant beliefs

to churn up sensations we don’t normally feel

It’s rare—

when it finds you.

9 thoughts on “The Kind of Hope that Isn’t Positive

  1. Unh. Okay. But. When I am pleased with a personal effort, I am most often dismayed over the reception it gets. When I consider a piece a throw-away, people go ape. My ability to “know” my worth is obviously flawed. Or is it, sir, the people my writing comes into contact with are flawed? Good read, here, making me (sigh, once again) reconsider, reevaluate, re-prioritize.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. So we work for our own satisfaction as much a for any other reason. We seem to agree, like it or not. BTW – “Espie” is easier than spwilcen, if you’d care to go that way.

        Liked by 1 person

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