I was working-out at the gym yesterday

when I noticed a conservative woman looking in my direction from the elliptical next to me

She had on a long-sleeve red blouse, with a golden necklace, and black pants.

I was talking to my friend. “I know I’m getting fat,” I said. “But the problem is that eating is the only thing that makes me happy.”

The woman started laughing, “Me too!” She giggled.

“And I sit at a desk all day!” I added for emphasis. It was nice to have a woman so obviously attracted to me.

Positive female attention is okay.

It made me think about eating—I don’t know why. I can tell if I like someone by how they eat. Usually, I don’t like them.

Most people are gross when they eat

and I think an opossum is cute when it chews a strawberry

People are disgusting, like pizza sauce shoved around the corners of their mouth

where an inarticulate tongue

tries to clean-up.

I watched my boss eating once, and I wanted to throw-up. You realize—all the bosses of the world are nothing but overgrown toddlers

pretending to act like adults

giving orders, because they learned to follow them first, before you did.

I catch myself doing this, from time to time, and it makes me sick.

This is why fasting is a spiritual discipline.

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