I have always had one foot out the door,

and it’s not for wanting to go places

because, most places I might go

are the same

like grocery stores.

Still, I don’t want to be as arrogant as to say, “I’ve already done it!”

when I haven’t.

It seems that my actions conform or confirm my reality.

My friends don’t like each other

My literary idols have wild sex while celebrating life with wine.

They live on a force of power within themselves.

My real friends don’t like that I admire drunkenness, but it’s not drunkenness

I don’t even drink! And I don’t have any desire to.

What I admire is someone so connected to what makes them alive

that they can walk into gas chambers

across fires of hell

sit in meetings, where insecure egos

glut themselves on their own admiration

while controlling people like pawns

And my hero still stays untouched

by the world that grabs at him

like an addiction

looking for one more hit of inspiration

to satiate their black holes.

He has a smile that betrays his spirit

He doesn’t strive for a position

but he is more ambitious than any political office.

Maybe, my craziness comes out on paper

and I remain a “good boy” who dresses conservatively

and says the right things

but every once and a while

I let out a slip, “I hate people.” Even though it’s more complicated than that

and the world judges me like a sledgehammer

“You can’t say negative things in public, like that!”

And my resentment is like a dormant volcano

waiting to erupt with truth.

Allowing myself to be weighted-down by friends

or to have no friends

Knowing that the people, you don’t know

aren’t much better

Most of them have a plan and an agenda

If you find someone who doesn’t want to change you

they will—and only these types will

it’s the most seductive thing,

reaching off the page

to let you know

you’re not alone.

7 thoughts on “You’re Not Alone

  1. I went out to ‘find’ a second vaccination the other day and low behold was a girl behind confirmed she was in the same boat. We got rejected at the first place and then I asked her if she wanted to share a taxi. She agreed and I was taken by her, maybe because I hadn’t seen freckles on someone I knew for many years. I wanted to talk more to her, but I didn’t because of pain. We tried another place to get the second vaccine, but they said the whole of this country had run out for now and we should wait until news arose of its re-emergence. We shared our ride back to our respective places – she told me where she worked and I said I’m heading home. If I was younger and not in pain I would have been more obliging. I wonder if I should visit her workplace to ask her about if she heard the 2nd vaccine was available already somewhere. That’s what your post induced in me.

    Liked by 1 person

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