I keep reading my stuff to my mother

it’s a crutch

and I have two broken legs

And my mother says, “Oh, when I get too old and infirmed, your sister will take care of me (My sister went to nursing school, but decided she didn’t like to touch people, and she got her MBA, instead), and you can read your short stories to me.”

When I read my poems to my mother, she always stops me mid-poem and asks, “What are you trying to say?”

And I have to explain myself

And when I finish, she doesn’t say anything

there is a pause

and then she says, “pretty good—you are a good writer”

and her implication is obvious, you are good, but not great

and she’s right.

Then she will ask, “Why are your poems so depressing? Why can’t you write something positive?”

“They’re not positive?… I thought they were.”

Needing approval always carries a greater cost than it’s worth.

My friend and I have been praying for success

and it seems that our desires fall on deaf ears

We are trying to live the clean life, but we can never be perfect enough to please God

We are like pharisees, petting our rabbits’ feet

I could drop all the balls, and let life happen to me

but if I lose, it will be my fault

and if I strive my whole life without success, I will become a bitter old man

but I’ll be able to say, “I did my best.”

Success is a strange mistress. Some men have access to her all the time

And they like to give advice

to the young men who have not yet penetrated the secret barriers and booby-traps

We are like impatient eunuchs

to the gods of the game

not even setting foot, into her bed chamber

and there are impure rockstars who do whatever they want

So, purity/impurity

success/no success

is a horrible, juvenile, way of thinking.

I don’t think the gurus can help me

I don’t think God can help me

I can never abandon my beliefs, totally

but for a day, yes.

And yesterday, I did exactly that, and it was the luckiest, most unexplainable day

People were kind to me, and I felt liberated from my self-imposed beliefs about life

there is no one way

but I guess, my orientation could always be wrong

So, my friend and I got into a philosophical battle

in our attempt to prove or disprove God’s existence

and I started talking philosophy

and he started talking mathematics

and neither of us could understand each other

so, we had a good laugh, and dropped it

dropping the balls, and quitting the juggle

feels really good

especially when life keeps going

So, the implication is:

it’s only a game

with no winners, at the end.

(A Positive Poem?…Maybe?)

2 thoughts on “A Positive Poem (Maybe?)

  1. Life is surely unpredictable!
    Full of miseries but never fail to bring victories once you thrive hard to achieve it.
    “Keep your cool and enjoy the roller coaster ride” and yep you are a great poet 😄👍

    Liked by 1 person

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