On a silent day

tense, and hot

I played a game of golf

with strangers

who loved to talk

they asked me questions about where I was from

and we talked about golf courses

and where each of us lived

and it went on and on

hole after hole.

I stopped trying to communicate, after hole 5

I started thinking

and I instantly felt better

I cracked a book of poetry

on hole 7

while waiting for the group in front of us.

“That asshole hit into me, twice! So, I threw his ball in the pond!”

It was the guy behind us, talking. “I got a hole in one on this hole, last time I played it!”

He was smoking, and drinking a beer.

“Why do you think it’s so busy on a weekday?” Somebody asked.

“Because nobody works anymore. We have a welfare president! It’s okay…it’s okay…I’m an asshole, I know.”

I didn’t care. My golf game was getting worse and worse. I couldn’t wait to quit.

The conversation in my group was the same, no matter what happened.

I hit into the pond and this black golfer confirmed it. “It went splash!” He said.


“Don’t mention it! On a day like today, you could take a swing from there and feel pretty good!”

I liked him instantly. The problem was, all the interesting golfers were everywhere, but in my group.

I quit after 9 holes, and my group politely waved. The air conditioning in my car caused me to realize I had paid for hell. It’s like walking out of a bad movie at midnight, and enjoying the stars outside, instead.

So, I went home, ate some cherries, and went for a long bike ride. I spotted a girl, with tanned legs, and a bright green tank top. She spotted me too, through her amber sunglasses. Her head turned. Did I dare speak to her? No. I kept on biking. I sat on a bench, and another girl in a spaghetti strap top smiled at me. Did I dare speak to her? No.

And this is why I stay single.

In my apartment complex, there is this woman who is all sex. She has curves, blonde hair, and she wears expensive clothes. Did I dare speak to her? Yes.

“Nice dog,” I said. I was sincere. She had this Pug that looked ugly and cute at the same time. It was choking itself on her leash, trying to get away. I thought about those beautiful women. How quickly the mind moves to obsession.

Life is more pleasant without desire.

One day, I’ll allow myself to be a womanizer, but the pain of pleasure is too much for me right now. The absence of company is more peaceful than any kind of intercourse.


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