I look into the future

and I see nothing but suffering, if I go the way of other men.

Many of them are happy, for a time

and many of them are tortured, for years

I always keep my ears open

for the truth

I talk to my pastor

He knows I like him

even though I never tell him

He probably thinks it’s because he knows Greek and Latin

but it’s because he reminds me of a cult leader.

I enjoy his charisma and his knowledge

even if he has some plugged-in beliefs

“Would you like to meet for coffee?”

“Sure!” I said.

When I get there, he’s working on his sermon. He’s bald and he has enormous hands. He’s a carpenter, like Jesus, and he has a Ph.D. in Theology.

I don’t have any authority in my life.

which means that I don’t have a doctor, a dentist, or a pastor

He’s my friend’s pastor

I do believe in God

but He’s invisible

and guess what…?

no health problems

no cavities

no spiritual problems

but I do have a problem, I have not been able to solve

It has to do with success

A man needs to be successful, so his time is not wasted

I look at my future

and I see a big waste

No matter who I talk to

nobody seems to understand

Maybe we box ourselves in

with our beliefs

or lack of beliefs

“I have a problem, pastor.”

“Okay, what is it?”

“I don’t want to advance in my career, or any career.”

“You could be making over six figures.”

“But what’s the point, if I trade the better part of my life for it?”

“Well, that’s living, and you’ll have status, and you can afford to buy a house.”

“But the life I’ll lead, will not be the life I want.”

“What’s that?”

“I want to be a golfer and a writer.”

“You can do those as hobbies…”

“No; I want to do them professionally.”

“If you do that, you’ll have an unstable life, and you won’t be able to get married.”

“I don’t want to get married, because my whole life has become something I don’t want.”

“But that’s life; we do the best we can.”

“I don’t want to live that way. I want to be a genius.”

“What’s a genius?”

“Genius is doing what you want to do, and succeeding at it.”

“Don’t people do what they want to do?”

“No; their lives are random accidents. Sometimes they turn out well, and sometimes they go horribly wrong.”

“But they make a living.”

“There is no life. We only have a few years left. I don’t want to spend it in a meeting—not for any amount of money.”

“Then you have a problem.”

“I know. And I don’t want to marry a random woman. I need God to sort out my life. It must be ordained.”

“I’m not sure God works that way.”

“Well, how can He work in my favor?”

“God’s plan is not our plan.”

“I have not looked at a woman in over 200 days. I have striven for moral purity. I am committed to moral excellence. I need God to reward me with success.”

“That’s not God’s plan.”

“I’m in trouble then, because all I want to do is live my dream. Don’t you have any solution for me?”

“Live for others.”

“I can’t do that. All I have is this one life, and I don’t want to give it to anybody.

“Give it to God then.”

“God gave me life; why does he want it back?”

“He gives us free-will to choose him.”

“What does going to meetings have to do with that?”

“Nothing.”

“Then I will keep praying that God will help me realize my dreams. Thanks for the coffee, pastor. I’ll see you in church.”

To be continued…?