Most of the thoughts in my head
are delusions
but they drive my behavior
just the same.
I’m not unlike most people.
My delusions make me feel good
and most people do
what feels good.
If you don’t feel good
for too many days in a row
why wake up?
I have this gnawing acid in my stomach
and I sleep on a mattress
with a broken spring
poking through.
I guess I’m hesitant to change
I can put up with a bad thing
for a long time
but when I decide
I can no longer sleep
I can no longer go to the job
something beautiful happens…
like a force
outside myself
I don’t.
The best feeling in my life
is when I walk away
it is like a great weight has lifted.
Society shames men who walk away
but they do it
just the same.
I have resisted
all the messaging
that says, I should keep doing
what I don’t want to do.
I strictly listen to myself
and the months after that
are perfect.
They always are…
When you leave things behind
there is this wonderful sense
you get
like being reborn.
The more times you do it
the more alive
you will be
like a caterpillar
turning into a butterfly
constantly.
I have this delusion
that seems true
It’s a question
I frequently ask myself
“What makes me superior to the whole thing?”
Most people say, “That’s an anti-social question.
People are different, not superior.”
But the question makes me feel good, just the same
I start asking myself, “What makes me different?”
“What can I do, that has never been done before?”
And the question excites me
I think about the common things in my life
and the power I have
to walk away.
Walking away from something good
is a better feeling
than walking away from something bad.
The reason being, if you can’t walk away from something good
there are things you can’t walk away from
you are trapped
predictable
Somebody has found your leverage-point
they think they understand you
because they can control you.
If you don’t argue
you have incredible power
If you don’t play the game
it’s a victory.
People will call you a loser
They will think they won
But if you walk away
those people
are outside
your consciousness.
Your life doesn’t belong to them
and it never did.
