I married her. She was cute, athletic, confident, and feminine, but around other men, she took no prisoners. Liz was the type of woman who seduces you and makes fun of you at the same time. I couldn’t get enough. I had to constantly dominate her, to get any kind of respect, and I was not the domineering kind. I was a poet, sensitive, and I easily got my feelings hurt, so what was I doing with this nasty bitch? I loved her. Maybe it was the pain she caused, and the pleasure. Who knows the inner workings of a man’s mind? I tried the Freud thing, but that didn’t work—she was nothing like my mother. They say a man has a type, but my type was Mormon, El Salvadorian, Feminist, Bitch, and Airline Stewardess. The Mormon was closest to my mother. I was starting to think I wasn’t marriage material, and then I met Liz.

It was at my friend’s birthday party. I was playing pool with the girls, and Liz was watching me like a cat. She kept quiet, with her big eyes and skinny body. I knew she was watching me, but I pretended not to notice. Then, she decided to get up and leave, but before she left, she turned around and smiled.

“You suck at pool,” she said.

I was enraptured. She had spoken to me, but my friend got angry.

“Why don’t you play pool, and see who sucks!” He said.

Liz just smirked and walked out.

The next time I saw her, I was leading a men’s bible study. I was trying to recruit female-only congregants. I had this BIG idea that I could be a cult leader, with dozens of loyal women. It didn’t work. While advertising myself to the congregation, I noticed Liz in the audience, laughing.

Then, as fate would have it, we met at a church function. I was becoming more Christian, and she was way ahead of me. I didn’t know it at the time, but religious women were a big turn-on. The last three women I dated, needed to travel around the world to get over their ex-boyfriends. I think it’s the Eat, Pray, Love Phenomenon. I haven’t read the book.

Anyway, Liz was baptized in the Holy Spirit, and I wanted to be. We would be like two spirits that would merge into one. I finally cornered her outside the church, while she was trying to walk away from me.

“What would you think about getting married?” I asked.

We hadn’t been on a single date.

“To you?”

“Sure.”

“Okay, but I’ll need to ask my father first.”

To be continued…

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