My ambition

is ambivalent

washing in waves

possessing energy

that knows no peace.

If I had the choice

to live by a still pond

or conquer cities

I would lay waste to the world

and order it like a library

with the dewy-decimal system.

So, I thank the stars

I’m not a star

and I accept

the chaotic universe

inside my head

expanding

like green and red lights

STOPPING

STARTING

pulsing

creating

impulsing

like a shooting pain

or an unstoppable urge.

My life is full of anxious conversations

where I’m as calm as the ocean

dreaming

under deeply troubled waters

while the office walls are white

plain and lifeless.

Faces are lifeless.

Clothing is lifeless.

Mannerisms are carefully controlled.

Is it just me, or are people telling themselves

I need to have more control today

I need to organize my office

I need to clean my apartment

I need to exercise

with a perfect routine

then the straight suit speaking to me

will know that I’m straight

and the world of women will turn into little girls

when I speak

deeply

like I’m in control

like I want that more than anything

and soon, we will adjust ourselves

because we are not straight enough.

Our houses are filled with square rooms

with perfect poufy pillows

planned perfectly

for those who are not straight.

We will expose our sharp edges

and teach the world how to behave

without words

with fake smiles.

There is a need to be real

but it’s really dangerous

it requires more courage

than power

you can’t put it on

like a power suit

it’s a t-shirt, with a genuine smile.