I’m helping some students I used to have

with their reading

they have emotional disabilities

and get frustrated easily

the two boys are students of color

Jamal and Dondre

I inadvertently switch their names

they call me a racist

because I mixed up their names

Then I enter a conference

where my boss sits down

it comes-out in a crowd of social justice warriors

that I mixed up these students’ names

they ALL call me a racist

I justify how it happened

and they ALL call it implicit bias and they want to sue me

My boss tells me to shut up

as I dig my hole deeper

then I walk outside of the conference on a sunny day and sit down

A young school psychologist who is a single mother sits down at my table

She asks me about the conference and I don’t say much

She points to an opera sign on the building

“You should take me there,” (to a name I can’t pronounce).

Then she sits down next to me

and puts her arm around me

and asks me how we will get there and do I have Messenger on my phone

“Just texting,” I say

It doesn’t bother her, and she shows me her phone

with some opera information

then the sun goes into a shadow and she moves to a bench in the sun

a walk over to the bench and sit down

she puts her arm around me

and kisses my hands, a very wet kiss

Somehow, I know what is happening, but I can’t stop it

I suspect she is seducing me for the financial support

I look like an easy mark because I dress like I don’t have a clue

and I act in the same way

Then I start thinking… How can I let this girl down easily

so she won’t press charges

I might tell her that I stopped dating in 2018,

but no… she would think I was crazy

I could tell her I don’t date anyone at work

but she already put the moves on me

and it’s kinda like a date

I could tell her, “You’re a great girl and all, but I’m not interested.”

“You’re gay,” she would say

It’s a lose…lose…lose situation

and all I can think about is how to maintain my freedom

the only way to remain free, is to be away from other people

as soon as you start talking to the female, you have to adjust everything you say

so you aren’t offensive

and she can feel good about herself

then she wants you to dress differently

and do things differently

and pretty soon you are her hand puppet

I woke up with a cold sweat

and who can blame me for writing these words or having these ideas

they came from my subconscious

and I suspect there is wisdom there

I’m drinking coffee and writing this poem

feeling pretty good

Marveling at the romantic dream

I had

better than any movie

I’ve seen

in a long time.