I’m always trying to fill the hole

it seems like it should be easy

but it’s not

and this time of year, I’m gaining weight

the hole can be filled with many things

my favorites are

pizza

poetry

and Chinese

It takes a loooong time

to learn how to fill the hole properly

and you can forget how to do it

When that happens

you’re useless to yourself and to other people

time is just time

something to be done, until you go to sleep

and you pray that you can restart the next day

There is a scientific, metaphysical process to owning your own time

Otherwise, time happens to you,

where people can’t wait to get through the day

and when all the days add up

they say, “Where did the time go?”

But they didn’t know how to fill their time when they had it

and they didn’t know how to fill the hole

It’s like having bars of gold

and not knowing what to do with them

it takes imagination

to spend money

it takes even more imagination to spend time

and most people don’t have any imagination

they are waiting for the job

waiting for someone to tell them what to do

waiting to die

and waiting to live

Many things we do

are a waste

they don’t stick inside

So, there are two ways to deal with the hole

1. You can find something to plug it

and the following have been tried: god, transcendence, and love

although, these usually lead to constipation

or 2. Decadent Desserts

the problem is, these move through the hole faster than diarrhea through the colon

and you have to keep eating

to stay alive

If you stop or get tired of eating

then you might be tortured by pleasure

Pleasure requires continuous hypervigilance and planning

Number 1 is the easy way

Number 2 is what most people try

and can never sustain

Eventually, they grow tired of food and time

and they hate life

because it gives them the same meal, day after day

then they start thinking about heaven

and they turn pain into a principle, “Life is suffering,” they say.

“Eternity is forever.”

But if you ask them what they are going to do for eternity

they can’t tell you

If I live to be a thousand

I’ll just keep writing

Every once in a while, I’ll say something that makes sense

and I’ll live for these moments

the hole is filled

even for just a while

and then I’ll have to think of the next line

to fill it

again.

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