Let us say that you come into an immeasurable fortune

not of material gain

but of amped up energy, more energy than you know what to do with

you discover this

by practicing hidden knowledge

now, you don’t know what to do with it

You try to attract people, but your energy pushes them away

if you don’t try, they are drawn to you

like a pre-school drawing, that doesn’t understand the larger picture

all of your insecurities, are magnified

even though, you know, they will diminish, if you don’t engage

striking a balance, with this excessive energy

is like trying to modulate sound waves on a spectrum of infinity

I have not changed myself, I have only increased my energy

but this is not to say, I have not developed from within

according to the unique intelligences that are my own

I have more potency, to go farther, into my inner journey

but, if I decide to extend that outward, it doesn’t work

if I don’t try, it does

trying, always gets in the way

so, I have to go on

not wanting

not caring

which is easy, even though it doesn’t seem wise

in fact,

not wanting

and not caring

is how I acquired this energy in the first place

What I didn’t pursue, came to me

like faith

letting go of desire,

then desire blew up in my face

I keep reaching for it

because it seems natural

practical,

but it always

runs away.