People often complain of not having enough time

because their lives are jam-packed, full of things to do

my life has gotten this way…

but more often than not

there is nothing planned

and rather than crossing things off my list

I think about putting things on the blank sheet of paper

but nothing I might write, goes there

it seems like a horrible waste for the waste-paper basket

this happened the summer after my first year working as a professional

I had no friends

no commitments

only an endless summer

everything happened in slow motion

I had no cell phone and no watch

I literally kept track of the time by looking at the sun

I didn’t even know what day it was

I found myself doing the things that I did when I was 12

My whole life was in front of me

I checked Facebook late at night

to watch the progress of high school friends

they were married

some had kids

and I stayed up late into the evening

trying to discover who I was

each morning, the summer light would filter through the blinds

and it seemed like it would go on forever

I was writing a novel about magicians, with such belief and enthusiasm

I was reading old books in the study, that hadn’t been read since 1962

I was part of a different time

or time didn’t exist

I walked in the woods by the river

remembering my growing up years

I went on a date, on a boat, with two girls

I read a book that taught people how to make a living working 4 hours a week

I followed my gps, even though my gps was 15 years old

I got lost, constantly

I was terrified of getting lost, so in a way, I conquered my fear

I met an old church friend and his parents with my mom on a beautiful blue lake where we took out their boat

I marveled at their modernness, their busy lives, their being hip with all things new

Whenever I try for that, it always seems forced

It seems like I’m never enough when I try hard or I spend time around people who try hard

I see the tenseness in their faces and hear the insincerity in their voices…

Many summers from now, someone I used to know may ask me what I did with my life

and I will have trouble answering that question.

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