My old man asked himself an honest question

but didn’t answer it

“Why are dysfunctional people attracted to me?”

I went to church

that evening

hoping to talk to someone


I am a year older than the youth pastor

and he jumped

when I spoke to him

“How’ve you been and what have you been up to?” I asked.

He told me about his humble job

of conserving electricity and managing the grounds

about coming from worldly origins, and changing his name

He spoke of Jesus and he was a nice guy

but I couldn’t talk to him

He was too busy being a nice guy

I went to the food table and loaded my plate with broccoli

avoiding the chips and soda

I looked around the room of young people

10 years younger than myself

feeling like I had stepped back in time

to a place I didn’t belong

there was a young man, sitting at a table, with his girlfriend or wife

So, I decided to introduce myself

he didn’t want to talk

we were different

and a guy named Andre sat down next to him, instead, and started talking

they busted each other’s balls and then exchanged numbers

I was disillusioned

a nice guy walked over to me with an exaggerated, smiling face

“Do you hike?” He asked.


“Well, let’s exchange numbers after the service!”

“Okay,” I said.

I was disappointed in myself

I didn’t like who liked me

Right before the service ended

I snuck out

and when I got home

my dad was talking to a fat man with hair down to his waist

“Rich just won’t leave me alone,” my dad later said.

And I sympathized

“The nice guys won’t leave me alone.”

2 thoughts on “The Nice Guys Won’t Leave Me Alone

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