I’m a lover of being alone
and I have come to be continuously disappointed
in the company of others.
It wasn’t always this way
but as we get molded into things
that cease to be alive
and we escape on a mattress full of grapefruit peals
and Chinese food containers
and movies with the same ending
getting away
gets old
Escaping
used to be easy
but now it takes so much more
to forget.
I don’t want to be known.
I don’t want to be understood.
I don’t wish for a better time.
Amnesia
is preferable
and I think of escaping, life
Sleep
is what I look forward to
a little death
every night
when I cease to exist
when there is nothing
and what beautiful nothingness.
It’s 6 in the afternoon
when I go for a walk
in the woods.
I feel like a zombie
numb and awkward
entering the wrong habitat.
There is no one there
and the trees are making sounds
sharp, groaning, cracking, sounds
the leaves are moist, yellow, and brown
falling to the ground, to the sound of silent music
the air is damp
when I start walking
and the red backed beetle
looks up at me
spiders weave their webs
and the falling sunlight flickers through the trees
in a different world
Suddenly…
I want to see family
and I leave the woods and visit home
and home is happy to see me
the dog pees on the rug
my parents ask me how I’m doing
and I’m doing very well
because I went for a walk in the woods.
I’ve had the same experience!
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