I wake up

feeling the sour sugar

pumping through my insides

6 hours of sleep

thank god I never started drinking

some mornings you don’t think you are going to make it

the day wins

other people win

and this losing streak continues

for no apparent reason

you’re about to have victory

but a technicality gives you a ticket

it’s a draw

it’s a compromise

it’s a game with no highs and no lows

I need a noble failure

a challenge that rattles my insides

4 cups of coffee and I start running

the fires make the air more toxic than cigarettes

cigarettes and coffee in the morning

My unkempt beard and tired eyes

don’t give the impression of health

unlike the perfect athletes I pass

in their perfect clothes

running at a conservative pace

For me,

it’s a heart attack or nothing

rock music on the lake

and an empty bench

where I sit and contemplate

What am I running from?