Did something change?

it seems so much easier than it used to be

the blocks just aren’t there

though, the pressure has increased

bloody nose

in the shower

this morning

christened by my own purpose

reading the writers on the internet

who talk of never making it

comparing their artistic failures

to their failures with women

has me smiling…

One day, she might say yes

One day, the editor will accept your story

I used to think this way

but it stopped, gradually

over years of rejection and failure

now, I just keep going

and the old motivations have fallen away

I’m not nature’s slave

Sometimes, women test me, mercilessly

it’s bordering on torture

and they think I should be happy

to spend time in their company

but I don’t like to be tested

they don’t sense insecurity

it’s something else

and I’ve been staying away

living on the things that keep me alive

conjuring my own air

creating my own pleasure

fellowshipping with myself

and the desire for others

is simply not there

though, I know I will change

I will do, what none believed

limitations have lifted

consequences aren’t real

I have my entire life

it’s not on loan, anymore

it needs to be done

there is no outcome

there is no reward

I laugh at people who are afraid

to do it

they complicate their lives

because of what they believe

there are no limitations

only people who set limits

persistence

is my reward.